Drunks
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that issitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone togather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, "No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
"Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband."How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?""Nope. But a bunch of mice from over to his place came over here this morning and beat the shit out of our cats . . ."
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rollsaround, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. Thedrunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool ofvomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick."No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out," said the Irishman.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Random Jokes
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worryworry worry"A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a
party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister
asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's
insignificant,"
replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?" lawyer asked.
"Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example.
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party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister
asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's
insignificant,"
replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?" lawyer asked.
"Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example.
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Two cannibals meet one day...The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing
knives
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Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing
knives
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Why did the biscuit cry?
Because its mother
had been a wafer so long.
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Because its mother
had been a wafer so long.
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A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Which dog eats with its tail?
All dogs keep
their tails on when eating.
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All dogs keep
their tails on when eating.
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A blonde reports for his University's final examination that consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur
with
headphones on?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.
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with
headphones on?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.
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Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing
the flagpole?
A: He varnished into thin air!
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the flagpole?
A: He varnished into thin air!
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Drunks
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