Elderly Jokes

|Recently seen on a card...Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us...Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lighting them!
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|An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
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|Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?""No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."
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|For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.
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|Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect.
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|A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered.
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|I chanced to pass a windowWhile walking through a mallWith nothing much upon my mind,Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that windowA cranky-faced old man,And why he looked so crankyI didn't understand. Just why he looked at ME that wayWas more than I could seeUntil I came to realizeThat cranky man was ME!
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|The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"
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|Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.
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|As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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