Instrument Jokes

|The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the art of one-upmanship. The following rules are intended as guides to the development of habits which will promote the proper type of relationship between singer and conductor.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats.Q: What is the definition of an optimist?A: An accordion player with a pager.Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?A: Their personalities.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?A: To get away from the noise.Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper?A: Good question. We're still trying to find out too.Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level?A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Six.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To get away from the bassoon recital.Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Q: What is a burning oboe good for? A: Setting a bassoon on fire.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?A: So you don't have to retrain the cellists.Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?A: Write 'pp, espressivo'.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: What's the definition of a nerd?A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones.Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?A: Gifted.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?A: The knocking gets slower.Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?A: The knocking gets faster.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

|There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?The drummer who keeps bad time. The other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments