Job/Office Jokes

|Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
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|The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing.
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|Here are some of the submissions of actual comments, notices, and statements coming out of different companies: As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
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|How careers end... Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders are disbanded. Artists' models are deposed. Cooks are deranged. Dressmakers are unbiased. Nudists are redressed.
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|What does your profession say about you?1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.2.
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|Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlordsThe toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
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|Casual Fridays:Week 1 - Memo No. 1Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.Week 3 - Memo No. 2Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins. Week 6 - Memo No.
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|An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil.
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|A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
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|Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.
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