Lawyer Jokes

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 1 Comments

A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?""Of course we do," replied the bartender."Great," said the man, "I'd like a beer... and give me a lawyer for my gator."
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

A stingy old lawyer was on his deathbed. He instructed his wife to fill two large pillowcases with money thinking he could pick them up on his way to heaven. Several weeks after his funeral the widow found two pillowcases full of cash in the attic. "The old fool," she thought, "I knew I should have left them in the basement!"
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

What do a lawyer and sperm have in common?They both have a one in a million chance of being human.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A good start!
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?" "What type?" the woman asked. "Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher.
Category: Lawyer Jokes - 0 Comments