Marriage Jokes

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|The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper."Steve," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces.
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This wife is too jealous

|There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
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A way to save your marriage

|A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
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Don't take any chances

|A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
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What a large crowd

|A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.""Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends.""Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
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The way you say it

|It's not what you say, but the way you say it.On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."The girl was very flattered.What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."
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Going to the office

|Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Finding perfect men

|At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
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Getting into fights

|A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?""Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
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Have long marriages

|Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
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Random Jokes

Knock Knock jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Cologne
!
Cologne who ?
Cologne me names won't help !
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Barbie doll jokes

There is a
new Barbie doll on the
market - Militant Femminist Barbie ...with an
assault rifle
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Some last minute requests

|A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer.
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Baby jokes

Fred: My mum's having a new baby.
Drew:
What's wrong with the old one?
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Colored Penis

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red."Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40."The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell.
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Saggy Boobs

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other?A: "We'd better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!!"
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Dead and dying jokes

What did the little kid do with the
dead
battery?
He buried it.
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Short Snow Jokes

|What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?She gave him the cold shoulder!What do snowmen wear on their heads?Ice caps!What's an ig?An eskimo's home without a loo!What do snowmen eat for lunch?Icebergers!Where do snowmen go to dance?Snowballs!How do snowmen travel around ?By iceicle ! What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?A snowball !
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Mother Knows Best

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
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Internet jokes

What happened when the schoool bully went
netsurfing?
The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
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