Mixed Jokes
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|A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied.
Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?""Sadness," said the student.And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma."Elation," said she.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|Artery -- Study of paintingsBacteria -- Back door of cafeteriaBarium -- What doctors do when treatment failsBowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.Log Off: Don't add no wood.Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING: I'M HUNGRY.I'm hungry. I'M SLEEPY.I'm sleepy. I'M TIRED.I'm tired. I'VE GOTTA GO.Get out of the way and stay away until it clears. WHAT'S WRONG?I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|WOMEN S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI m sorry. = You ll be sorry.We need... = I wantIt s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don t want you to.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say..."IT'S A GUY THING"Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
|The wife says: You wantThe wife means: You wantThe wife says: We needThe wife means: I wantThe wife says: It's your decisionThe wife means: The correct decision should be obviousThe wife says: Do what you wantThe wife means: You'll pay for this laterThe wife says: We need to talkThe wife means: I need to complainThe wife says: Sure...
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Category: Mixed Jokes - 0 Comments
Page 1 of 212
Random Jokes
There was a farmer who raised
watermelons.
He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his
watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought
he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids
away
for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field.
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watermelons.
He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his
watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought
he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids
away
for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field.
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The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't batan eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina."What are you going to use it for?" she asked. "None of your business," answered the customer, beetred and throughly offended. "Calm down, buddy," soothed the salesgirl.
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Category: Situations - 0 Comments
When does a hamburger wear a look like a smile
button?
When somebody says, 'Well done'!
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button?
When somebody says, 'Well done'!
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|Dear Santa:I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.I want to slap Martha Stewart.Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek.
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Category: Christmas Jokes - 0 Comments
A young reporter went to a retirement home to
interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the
old man to
tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the
jungles of India.
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interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the
old man to
tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the
jungles of India.
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A market researcher called at a house and his
knock
was answered by a young woman with three small
children
running around her. He asked her if she minded
replying to his
questions and she agreed.
He asked her if she knew his
company,Cheeseborough-Pond s.
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knock
was answered by a young woman with three small
children
running around her. He asked her if she minded
replying to his
questions and she agreed.
He asked her if she knew his
company,Cheeseborough-Pond s.
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A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse."Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday."I can't," says the woman.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie We know where you live. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes. Everyone's meal today is on you! The "special sauce" came from the floor! Guess what our special "drop" was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!! Your colon will self destruct in five seconds.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
The patient shook his doctor's hand
in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would
not
want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you
to know
that I had mentioned you in my will.
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in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would
not
want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you
to know
that I had mentioned you in my will.
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