Travel Jokes

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Q. What do you call the temperature between two west virginians?A. Relative Humidity
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New Driver's License

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
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Lady Sunbathing

A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax. She went to the top of the hotel, stripped down, and layed face down on the roof. After about an hour of sunbathing, she heard someone come on the roof.
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Ocean Joke

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?Nothing, it just waved.
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Car Acronyms

AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLETCan Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
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Glazed

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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Clinton Vacation

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.
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Far East

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment.
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Bad Motel

1.The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.2.The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. 3.The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. 4.There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow 5.
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Haircut before Trip

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?""We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber.
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Random Jokes

Legion Camel #3

A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him is quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?"The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels."The lieutenent can't beleive it.
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Poles Truck

Two Polish truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to an overpass. A sign says, "Clearance: 11"2'." So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it's 11"6'. So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says, "I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"
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Two angry neighbors

|Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
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Bad Jokes

Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE.EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven't heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like--we are all likepassengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we're going to do whenwe get to shore.
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A cure for atheism

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriendhad proposed but she had turned him down because she foundout he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell."Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the twoof us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is."
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Woman saying something smart

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man one told me ...."
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Please show the I.D.

|The following supposedly a true story.This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
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Blonde jokes

When a
blonde goes to London on a plane,
how can you steal her window seat ?
Tell her the seats that are going
to London are all in the middle
row
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Dirty jokes

The kindergarten
class had a homework
assignment to find out about something exciting and
relate it to the
class the next day. When the time came for the little
kids to give
their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a
time. She was
reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he
sometimes
could be a bit crude.
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Casey McCarthy

|Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room.
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