Joke and Humor Collections

A
pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That
Ate New York.
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A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks.""Okay" the man says.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

|Steve Wright: I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I've been arrested three times for practicing.
Category: Instrument Jokes - 0 Comments

What are the hottest days during

summer?
Sun-days
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Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?

A: They can both drive you crazy.
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Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer 10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Huntin". 4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Q: When a 16-inch
viola and a 17-inch viola
are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story
building, which one hits
the pavement first?
A: Who cares!
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How many social
scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light
bulbs; they search for the
root cause as to why the last one went
out.
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Q: How many
journalists does it take to
screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three.
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A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks 'Do you do custom work?''Why of course!''Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of myright thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside ofmy left thigh.''No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and getup on the table.
Category: Situations - 0 Comments

mccain  going  off  viagra,  takes  viagra  30  minutes  to  a  hour,  takes  palin  only  a few  seconds
Category: Political Jokes - 0 Comments

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

This horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Does an elephant ever forget?A: Only if you loan him money.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments